Des Moines South Side Super Block Zoo Expansion

I live right next to Fort Des Moines Park. From what I understand and have been told by my neighborhood association, the "county park preserve" is just going to be a large portion of the Fort Des Moines park. I would support the expansion more if it didn't take away from the county park. The zoo is owned by the city and shouldn't try to buy off another plot of land for the county conservation. The lake and playground and bike trails I've been on since I was 5 would be part of "Africa, Primates, South and North America". Why is it that we can take away from a county park and leave the golf course unscathed?
A path is also proposed to lead from the Sommerset Neighborhood to the park. This bike path would bring traffic from the dead end that is my street to the zoo. Next to the zoo are buildings that used to be a part of the Fort Des Moines Army Reserves currently housing "offenders prior to conviction, post conviction, and for offenders" through the Fifth Judicial District of Correctional services. They own less than an acre of the proposed "super block". If this was moved to a new location, I also would be in greater support of creating a more "friendly family" environment surrounding the zoo and park.
After the last expansion on the zoo with the indoor facilities thing, I'm sure interest increased, but after you've seen that once, have you seen it all? is the zoo going to expand every five years? What happens after this 50 million plan gets old?

taco Man

On the bus ride home, we stopped and picked up a man from Taco Johns. As I sit next to the window, the aisle seat is open next to me. Taco man sits next to me. He puffy black coat is touching my arm. It's a little un-nerving but I don't want to flinch and upset him. He looks down at the goat sitting in my lap. I keep looking out the window. The strong stench of oily cheap tacos hangs fresh in the air.

Sick.

Blanket of Love

Yesterday, Mike got off of work early, like at 7:00. Yeah! He usually gets home at 9:00. He said business was slow. He called and asked if I wanted to hang out. We went down to Little Ceaser's and had some crazy bread and sauce. A pin ball machine was in there and you won bouncy balls from it. Mike one another ball, but I didn't do so well. Luckily it's a winner every time!
We sat in his car and were disappointed by the cold dipping sauce. Aww... We then went to Menard's and looked at lamps and wallpaper, and doors. Some other stuff too. And then we went to my house.
I lay in bed with Mike. He lay on his back and I rested my head on his chest.
"I really like this position", he said.
"Me too," I replied. We lay there a little longer.
"You're going to find this the cutest thing ever. Last night when I woke up this morning, I found myself cuddled with a blanket, and I thought it was you. I kissed and said,'I love you,' but then I thought,'this is really soft. Hey... Jackie isn't over here.' So I picked up the blanket and moved it around, but then when I laid back on it, it wasn't as comfortable anymore"
I laughed and told him that yes, that was about the cutest thing ever.

Election Night at Michael's

Michael layed a blanket on the floor and set up pillows in front of the tv as we watched the election. I rested on my side and Mike was propped up on his elbow looking at me.
"Would you marry me?" he asked out of no where. I was confused. I looked off to the side, then I looked back at him. I smiled.
"Yes," I said and looked up to him meeting his eyes.
"I would, it's just-"
"Because I'm 16 and need a parent's consent?" I asked.
"Well, Not only that but I couldn't afford a ring," he answered.
"What made you think about it?"I asked.
"Nothing,"he said. I was suspicious.
"Oddly enough, while I was home sick yesterday I was looking online at rings.."
He raised his eyebrow at me. I shrugged my shoulders.
"You know, the one I liked was only 400 dollars..."I suggested.
"400 dollars! I'm not paying that much for a promise ring" Michael exclaimed.
"I didn't say it was a promise ring," I said and smiled slyly.

"I'm getting way over my head,"he said.

AHHHH!!! SOB

All yesterday while I was home and sick, I was typing about my weekend. This morning as I opened up my computer to finish editing my sociology paper, my computer restarted and did updates without me asking and I lost EVERYTHING of what I wrote. That- is infuriating. VERY.

Early Out

Wednesday October 22, 2008

“We can’t have the same thing of the past four years!” Cheering ensues. I munch happily on my leftover lasagna as I watch CNN.
Today after school, I had a pretty lame practice for drum line and pit. Brytaney wasn’t there, and that’s a lot of what concerns me. She’s hardly practiced with us and she’s never played with the drum line alone yet. Ankeney is next Tuesday. Last year, she threw off the whole section and we almost fell apart because she entered five measures too early. Ugh. I’m not particularly looking forward to this. I’m always afraid that she’s going to talk back to our clinician. It’s just part of her personality that she offers up excuses and gets defensive whenever someone asks her a simple question. She went home “sick” today.
It’s 5:00 and in an hour I’ll be needing to clock in at work. Blargh.
Oh! I never told you about my Halloween weekend. I finally got the balls to tell my aunt that I don’t want to go to Minnesota with my female relatives. Yay! I have a weekend back! No work! I have Halloween and All Saints Day and Day of the Dead back! WOOT!!! I’m excited. Mike and I don’t quite have a Halloween party or anything to go to though. Aww… L
Perhaps I will write more when I return from work tonight. Only 3 hours. Sounds good to me! I get my schedule today and have no homework! A relaxing evening sounds great to me. J

Chair Auditions

Tuesday October 21, 2008

After school, I hopped on a bus downtown and walked to the Des Moines Central Library where I met Mike in the biography section. He sat turned from me with his computer is his lap. I came up behind him and asked what he was doing. Some sort of monopoly game.
“Guess who I’m playing against,” he said.
“Ryan?” I asked.
“No, computer,” and he started laughing for some odd reason. He lost the game and turned off his laptop. “Shall we go?” Michael asked.
We took the elevator to the underground parking lot and went on our way.
Before going to Mike’s house, we stopped at the Gateway Market, bought some pita bread and Jone’s soda so I could take my pill. Sample food was abundant as always. I tried some very strong apple cider and some really good cranberry walnut bread. Interesting…
Mike and I hung out in his office before his dad got home. Mike was then summoned to help unload and assemble a gas fireplace for the yard. When it was done, I went outside with Michael and roasted a marshmallow. I’ve decided that I don’t like the taste of burnt marshmallow quite so much. No- not really at all. It caught on fire and turned black. Ick. The fire place came with a poker, even though it has fake wood in place. I have no idea what the hell that’s for. We stuck our marshmallows on it. Mike’s mom pulled up, and was so pleased with her fireplace purchase. Mike took a picture of me and his mom through the other side or the fireplace, and a couple other dorky pictures.
My lord do I love that boy. So much. More than anyone- or for that matter- I will ever know.
Mikis had a couple free buffet and drink certificates to Cici’s pizza where we ate on the south side of town. After dinner, we went inside goodwill to kill some time. Mike bought a movie I can’t remember, and the vhs tape of the floods of ‘93 as documented by Channel 13. Classic. It’s probably worth a fortune some day.
Speaking of fortunes, Mike is investing in stocks of his mom’s company she works for. The stock is at 70 cents now, and twenty years ago was at 80 dollars. Mike said that the stocks just need to go up a 1.20 or so for him to break even. Nuts. I thought about it, and I don’t think that I’d want to go in with Mike on this because I’m afraid of being committed to a long term investment with someone else while not being in a long term relationship. You know how it is.
Michael took me to Lincoln High school and sat in his car for what was an estimated few minutes as I took my audition. What was only supposed to be 15 minutes took a half an hour. Michael was upset and came inside. He wasn’t angry at me- he couldn’t be, but was instead upset with the band directors. I was the last person of the whole day to audition when I’m the only person in my section. It’s pretty infuriating that being a guaranteed first chair, I have to audition at a very inconvenient time late at night. Oh- I also found out that tomorrow Pit and Drumline are supposed to be practicing after school, but Matt Hoskins the drum line instructor can’t show up- because he has classes. I don’t know how long that’s supposed to take. I asked a drummer how long they knew about this meeting. He said about thirty minutes. The Ankeny drum line clinic is next Tuesday. I am NOT looking forward to it. At All.

A Path in Planning

Monday October 20, 2008

Last week was conferences. During the long weekend, I did some investigating. I had already been planning on career and college research and the college planning seminar during advisory on Tuesday pushed me even a little bit more. On Wednesday after the early out I hung out with Mike. On my return home, I got on my laptop, and browsed around on the “Choices Planner” thingy I’ve used since middle school. After some quite convenient research provided, I drew to conclusion that maybe music isn’t the best field for me. I think that I could easily excel in the graphic arts and design industry. I looked through the colleges in Des Moines that offer that field, and found that DMACC at Ankeny has a graphic design program.
DMACC? I never thought I’d ever want to go there, but then I got more warmed up to the idea. Cheap tuition. Great location. A bus goes to it. Two years. All transferable credits. No foreign language requirements. Minimal Core Class requirements. Did I say that it was cheap?
Graphic designers make more money than a career in music, with added job security as well. The field is always growing and it’s easy to find a graphic design job in any location in the event that I’d ever like to move from Des Moines to elsewhere.
Anywho. So, also over the weekend I looked into- you’ll never guess- a car. Yeah… I know. Sucks huh? I’d only probably drive a car a few times a week and then in the winter. I’m still hoping on getting a little scooter thing for the summer and riding the bus. I’m hoping on buying a Volkswagen Beatle. Old School. Yeah..
I looked into houses online. Wow- prices are so low for them. I hope that they’re still really affordable in the next two years after I graduate high school. Better yet, the next four years when I graduate college. *sigh* yeah. That’d be sweet. Living in an apartment downtown. I feel so non apart of my house that it’s like a dorm or boarding house some times. A studio or one room apartment would be a big change to where I’m at right now, but at the same time it wouldn’t be. It’d be great to have that kind of independence and a better living environment. To feel safe and in a supportive non-violent or conflicting house. Yet, I’m used to living in a small space and arranging and working with furniture and color to maximize it’s full potential. I’m so excited to live in the smallest apartment or house life can throw at me- just so I can experiment with working a small space.
Looking into the future like this, gives me a lot more motivation I never felt like I had before. I cleaned my room and organized so that I can see the DMACC poster on my wall. I have a list of goals on my closet door next to a romantic and beautiful sketch I did of “where I see myself in 10 years”. I cleaned my desk and added a lamp and guess what- I did my homework!! Math at that! It was so easy. I can’t remember the last time I did homework. Probably not since a year. No kidding. I just never do homework outside of school. It was so quick and easy- I think I’ll do it more often. That was so sweet! I practiced my bassoon and cleaned it. Now, I’m typing! Blogging! The 7th thing listed on my Goals sheet.
Number 8 on my list of goals: Be Happy.
(I think I’m there.)

NOOOOOO!

GOD DAMN NOOOOOO!!!!

So yesterday while my dad was paying his bill at Sears, I sat in the car and listened to 105.1 Channel Q. I heard a song I really liked and wrote down the lyrics on a sticky note. I went home downloaded it, and listened to it ALL night long and fell asleep to it.
"Handlebars" by Flobots.
This morning after waking up to this song, and taking a shower, I go on myspace and look up this band so I can add them.

On their page, it says that last night at the people's court, They played.

SON.
Of.
A.
BITCH.

A thought from Kavya

A thought from Kavya

I know I haven't blogged in a while, but here's something for you:

"so, here's my revelation. c, a guy friend asked wat girls look 4 in a guy, and i've been thinkin bout it, and i figured it out. c, when a girl likes a guy she makes up fantasies bout him, so when the guy asks her out she no's he's "the one" if he can replicate or improve them. but obviously, it's a fantasy, so she can make it w/e she wants, so obviously the dream guy is absolutely nothing like the actual guy, so he can never duplicate the fantasy. that means the only option is to improve it. so a girl wants a guy who is better than she dreamed!"

I totally understand this and feel the exact way. Michael is better than I could ever have imagined. :* love yah sweetie

Grr... Damn Uterus

Saturday night ( or Sunday morning) at 3:00 AM, I got up to use the bathroom. My bladder coaxed with way too many lemonades at the half moon in Clear Lake nudged me from my bliss. I tip toed around the bed holding Mike in his slumber and hit my toe on the pull out sofa. FUCK!
Upon reaching my destination to the second door down the hall, I was greeted by my period. Ergh... I returned to bed and just rolled over Mike to my side of the bed instead of going around. Mike was awake and I told him that I didn't feel so hot. He held my hand firmly and kissed my neck as I tried to hold my whimpers and go back to sleep. I tossed and turned and kicked violently through out the night.
On Sunday, I mostly lay around the trailer as things happened around me and tried to get some rest. Mike and I rode around the golf cart some more, and chased squirrels through the park.
On the way home, Mike and I sat in the back seat of the truck. I tried to sleep through it all and keep my head down in Mike's lap.

Monday, I went to school, and sat on the hill away from the rest of the pit as the band down below worked on charts. They only played a measure or two, then stopped to work on pictures. Sammy came up the hill. "I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but is there something you guys can do or practice."
"You guys are working on pictures. We can't play much." I pointed below. The band moved one move and stopped again. Noise and mumbling came from the band looking at charts.
"Well, can't you guys practice something?" she asked.
"Bartachek and Stegemann don't want us playing when you're working,"I said.
"I'm sorry, but that's fucked up. You're apart of the drum line too. In my freshmen year, we had to take it all the way from the school down here,"Sammy said and walked down the hill angrily. She stopped to talk to Laura Burns about her frustration as she angrily gestured about and then toward us. Laura looked angry too.
The pit wasn't too happy about it. "Sorry, but who's she to NOW decided that we're part of the drum line when we haven't been included this whole time?"

I survived English class, but towards the end of it, I wasn't feeling too good and went to the Nurses office. I took some Ibuprofen and lay in a dark room on a leather inclined cot with another fallen soldier who's pain was inflicted as well by cramps. I went to talk to the nurse and asked if I could go home.
I got dad on the phone, and took my things downstairs. I signed out in the attendance office, then went outside and sat in front of the school entrance. Dad took me home, and called Younkers and told them I wouldn't be coming in.

This morning, after taking my pill, my vitamin, ate some food and got dressed, I started feeling nauseaus and went back to bed. ERgharha..... Damn Period.

Bold Day

Today is "Bold" Day for spirit week Wear one color. I did blue. Not may people are participating. Some people just have a plain shirt and jeans. I have:
2 blue bows
blue dress
blue tights
blue shoes
blue makeup
blue nails
blue shirt
blue earrings
3 blue necklaces
and blue hair
and I put a blue bandanna on my goat. I hope my picture is in the yearbook. Oh. and my back pack is blue. but it always is.

Other people think "Bold" day is stupid, and are instead substituting "clash" or "mix- match" day.

In English we're watching the Scarlet Letter. I'm in the front row, right in front of the TV WITH THE REMOTE and still can't make sense of what's going on.

Tomorrow is -er day. I think I'll be a flapper.
I don't have late night band practice tomorrow- that's great because I don't work.
Tonight I work. I hope they don't mind the blue.

-- Mr. Zaugg is talking about how Newton was an asshole. "Thomas Edison wasn't so nice either"
The fat annoying kid behind me asks,"Thomas Edison, who's he?"
"You know, guy who invented the light bulb, photographs, records..."
"I thought that was Thomas Jefferson. Then who's he? Who's Thomas Jefferson?"
I cringe and shake my head. This kid volunteers to speak TOO MUCH. Brytaney Abrose times 1000.

Contention

This week has been awfully content. I worked 12 hours, I get my pay check today, Ignite went amazingly well.
Today, Danielle and I are going shopping. Younkers, J.C. Penny's. Shoe carnival, target, maybe goodwill! I'm excited that I get to hang out with her. She's stressed a lot, and often. I am hoping that today I will make her feel better.
Tomorrow, Mike, Ryan, Sam, Dustin, Hannah, Anthony (?) and I are going to Sam's Club. I love grocery shopping with mike. Anthony want to thrift shop so I guess we're doing that too. Hooray! I'm happy to have a Saturday off.
I got my schedule for next week. I work Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday. Not Bad!
Next week is homecoming week.
Monday - Solid color day
Tuesday- -er day
Wednesday- Spirit Day
Thursday - dress up day
Friday - no school. decorating for homecoming game.

Saturday is the dance but I'm going to Clear lake with Mike and his family. I'm excited that I get to sleep with him overnight again. It was really peaceful and relaxing last time. I'm looking forward to it.
Yesterday, It was said that several boys wearing plain blue t-shirts were went to the office for supposed gang affiliation. Monday is bold/solid day. The V-P's were said to have said that no solid blue, red or black is allowed. From what I understand, those three colors will be worn by many students in response to this silly rule. I'm interested in learning more. Brytaney told me that she saw (I think ) Hummell telling boys to change their shirts. Who has an extra t-shirt at school? It's not like you can turn it inside out either. But what if there is more gang activity here?
That makes me nervous.

Sandal's again

Martha, Lucy's mom, told me that Lucy's mental age is about 12 years old. When she ran away on Saturday, She walked barefoot to see me at the mall. I had already left work when she left home. Lucy has been talking to a 23 year old guy from Nebraska who she's never met. I had to watch Lucy and make sure she didn't call him. This guy, Paul, lives with his parents and is also not mentally stable.
I had no idea Lucy was like that.
Today, I go to "South" to mentor Freshmen. I kinda forget what we're doing today....
Mrs. Ligouri is wearing those Sandals again!!!
AAARRGHH!!!!!

light headed

"It infuriates me when people are dissing on immigrants."
It infuriates me when you wear black shoes with navy pants.
It's early out. I'm in English class. After school, I'm hanging out with Lucy today. My dad doesn't want me to go with her, but I probably will. I'll call her when school gets out.
I took a shower this morning and blew my nose. A black and bloody sick thing fell into my hand My nose was bleeding and when I spit, it was in my outh. I was light headed and fell to my knees in the shower. I turned off the water and tried to relax. Three more times I'd turn on and off the water but kept on feeling faint. I wanted to use my anti- bacterial fungus shampoo. I climbed out of the shower and lay on the bathroom rug for a a bit. I shakily stood, went into my room and lay in my bed a bit. I got dressed, took my vitamin, ate a ding-dong, and went to school.
I sit in front in my math class. All the better to see that everyday Mrs. Ligouri's heel sticks out over her brown strapped slip on sandels. Yesterday, she wore a closed heel and toe shoe. But today, she's at it again wearing those badly fitted shoes. I look at shoes a lot now.
Today I get my Ignite shirt. yay. Medium. Bright orange and blue font. Tie it around my neck like a cape. Kids laugh as I pass by.

Always Something

There's always something going on. Something always happening. It's always the same Over and Over... I'm finding it more difficult to pick out and choose what's really important. What is significant enough for me to write a couple sentences and bring back a single moment of life in question vividly in my mind?
Always something going on - Like Mrs. Ligouri reviewing our homework right now. She leaves the answers on the overhead for less than a minute that I can't even see if I got the right answer. I just assume I do. There's only 9 kids in this class and 2 of us have A's. I'm one of them. I'm a little surprised- but whatever. That's cool.
I've been sneezing a lot recently. It's sort of like allergies except there's not much pollen this time of year. Just super crazy really high humidity. RAWRG!!!!! sneezing...
Three freshmen showed up at Art Club last week. I don't think I'll go this week. I'd rather be at the Legion Hall then there. I hae band tonight. It was cold this morning, so I anticipate it being colder tonight. I might wear my winter jacket. I need a locker soon to put that in and mh other stuff. maybe I'll pimp it out. I haven't been to target in a while. Maybe I'll go with Lucy tomorrow.
Katie (and me I guess) are supposedly trying to hook up Chris and Danielle. Sure- They're both good looking, but I don't know if they're alike. A lot of times, Danielle doesn't really come off as "real". She has a lot of insecurities she needs to cope with.
On Thursday, I'm going to Lincoln SOuth for Ignite. I'm in a boy's advisory so I'm a little nervous that they'll be jackasses. I hope they listen and like me. Maybe I'll take them out to eat if I like them enough. I'll get my orange ignite t-shirt today- hopefully.
I don't think I'll do my math now. I have a quiz tomorrow and I can probably just do it tomorrow.... Meh.
It's Tuesday. I dont' have work on Saturday. I am elated. I'm going to Sam's club with Mike and Ryan. Sounds like fun. Next Tuesday I don't ahve late night band practice so I get to hang out with Mike.
I got my list of Mentees!!!!
THEY"RE GIRLS!!! YAAAAAAY!!!!

Stressing out all the time

I haven't time to do laundry.
I haven't had to to sleep.
I haven't had time to read, do homework, live, relax, paint, play piano, sew, chat, shop, go to shows, study for permit, bike ride, write, blog, exercise, laugh, think, love.

I haven't had the time to live.

Because I have to work. All the Time. And the days I don't work I have band.

I miss blogging about my day. I miss being able to have time to myself. I loved last school year so much because I got to blog three times a week, nap, hang out. I had all the time I needed to meditate, and reflect, and be by myself. I often came home to an empty house, and I loved it. I got to really define who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.

I know that working every day of my life from the time I'm 16 - 60 isn't what I had in mind.

Tetris

I GOT 20570 on TETRIS TODAY! AHHH!!

Art Punk No More

So, since I haven't blogged in a while, I never got to tell you guys about what's going on with my art club.
Personally- I think the teacher's a bitch.
WORD.

She doesn't want anyone else but freshmen to hold office in the club. She wants to plan projects herself and not follow the one semester plan I had made involving the community, and local artists. I told her that we don't have a functioning art club at main. She said she doesn't mind if the upperclassmen come to south, they just can't be elected or lead.
Her reasoning is that "Freshmen don't get the chance at Lincoln Main to be the leaders in organizations."
I said she was right. Because if you stay in a group for three years, and are a senior, you have proven to be the best kind of loyal leader who isn't going to drop out after a week like the freshmen have.

Mike says if she won't listen, I should just let her go at it herself. "Didn't your relationships teacher say herself, there's some people who just don't listen no matter how much you try?"
Yeah. And I love that woman.
"If this teacher won't listen to you, you just need to let her do her own thing. Until then, start your club elsewhere for the rest of the people. Let the freshmen know,'Hey, I won't be here anymore, and will be starting an art club up at main. Any of you are willing to join'"

I guess that works. Man- this sucks.

Aging Well

I wouldn't mind someday being 71
or hell maybe a hundred and two
but as long as I can walk
and I keep my wits
and as long as I'm with you

I don't mind lengthening my years
because I have no fears about tomorrow
as long as I have a life with few tears
and there'll be no sorrow

and I'd be happy some day being weathered and gray
as long as I'm glad to be alive and not skipping to my grave

I wouldn't mind someday being 71
or hell maybe a hundred and two
but as long as I can walk
and I keep my wits
and as long as I'm with you

I'd like us to me old jewish type couple
the kind that always argues
and we'll gripe about the prices of inflation
and why we don't need to buy apple juice

and I like to think about, sing about, what'll come about
of us later in the future
a world that revolves about, can't live a day without
our robots, flying cars, and computers

I wouldn't mind someday being 71
or hell maybe a hundred and two
but as long as I can walk
and I keep my wits
and as long as I'm with you

and I'd be happy some day being weathered and gray
as long as I'm glad to be alive and not skipping to my grave

but what's so fun?
about dying young?
when we can live forever?

but til then I'll live today
and later I will say
that I lived life to the full
and I'm not feeding you bull
shit
and I've lived life to the full
and maybe someday we will know!
and maybe someday we'll know

I miss blogging to you guys

I always feel like writing music after seeing a bunch of cute indie one man bands with a synthesizer and guitar.

Last night, Mike and I lounged around his house talking about the philosophy of life and conception and the VP pick for McCain. We slept in his room together and when he tried to crawl out from under my claw like grasp, he accidentally hit my foot and woke me up. lol. Cute.
On his way down his gravel driveway of hell, I heard the sound of something metal clank and Mike's tire flattened. We pulled over into his neighbor's driveway and Mike's mom drove all the way next door and I sat in her car listening to Sirius radio while she fussed around Mike as he changed the tire. I heard a hair metal version of "You're so vain". Amazing.
It'll take a day for Mike's car to get fixed or so, so as long as he goes under 100 mph, he'll be good.

After sleeping around in his bed together some more, and messing with his cat, Mike and I went to Ting's house and The Atudes were playing. I got to record "the dream" and bug the crap out of Dustin about him sending me the lyrics to that song. I got a cd of the Bradley Unit and Ryan Sutherland (that one ryan kid I talked about in a previous blog so long ago that you probably will not recall), a Bradley Unit set of juggling balls (for free!) , a talking mountain cassette tape and two Talking Mountain shirts. The shirts were only 5 dollars, so I found that pretty nifty.
Mike and I went back to his house, and after watching a bit of the news with his mom, I slept for about an hour with Mike. Mike sent me home with my lost pearl necklace, miniature rabbit thing, and his old Velvet Underground shirt that doesn't fit him anymore. Sleeping some more on the way home, Mike drove me home. On 6th Ave. right outside of the Pet Shop I gaze at longingly at the kittens in the window everynight as we are stopped at the red light, there were about four fire engines and cop cars. The city was just getting there with some baracades.
It was a great night that I really enjoyed. After work today, Mike and I are going to go see a band he likes a lot called,"This show is the Rainbow" so I'm pretty up for that. :)

I intend on living forever... so far so good

Okey dokey, I know I haven't written a blog in a while, but don't worry, I've been documenting it elsewhere. Hopefully with my lappytop, and when I get a cohesive regular schedule for work and school, I'll get more into the laptop. I have started a new diary in a comp book called,"I intend to live forever... so far so good."
In Ignite, we were talking about goal setting and the acronym is "SMART"
Specific - not a vague idea
Measurable - able to see the progress you're making
Action Plan - How you will achieve your goal
Reasonable- Can you do it?
Time Line - A time you want it achieved.

There's a lot of things I want to do in my life. I want to get married, have a family, have a house, travel, play accordion, eat vegetables (don't push me on that one)... But then I see the "T". Time Line. I want to do these things before I die. The more I think about my death, the more I live. I think some people get so creeped out about death (no matter how natural it is), and they don't see those goals have a deadline. You're more likely going to accomplish something with end in sight.
I know some people who want to lose weight, buy something they want to fit into. A dress, or swimsuit, shirt or pants.... Some people buy shoes because it makes them feel good about them selves. Other people are obsessed with collecting specific odd items such as cows and decorative disney plates, but I have found today.... I think I like buying formal dresses.
I've always loved buying dresses in general and formal dresses from thrift stores, but today I have bought my second prom dress in two months. I could see myself developing some unhealthy shopping habits. As I hung up my new blue ball gown next to my sleek teal evening gown, I asked myself,"Why do I like these so much?" I feel pretty when I wear them. I feel feminine. I feel special or worth it, like I deserve to dress up once in a while. I feel beautiful, mature, and just overall wonderful. I love them. I can't wait to wear it somewhere maybe with Mike and take pictures. I need to find shoes and jewelry for my new one too.

Throw it at my Face

When I got home, I was hoping on taking a shower, doing laundry, and writing a little blog to you. A blog about how band camp today was fun, I loved painting on the sidewalk, and had a tropical snow at the Lucky Penny and played tetris, but now- I don't feel so much up to that.

Waiting at the bus stop, I saw the bus coming. I leaned down to pick up my sidewalk chalk. That movement might have just saved my life. As I had my head down, a car drove by and threw a beverage at me. I looked up after hearing the splat and looked at a mess of liquid behind me. I stood up alarmed and confused. The bus driver picked me up and asked what that was they threw at me. I had no idea.
My head was down and I didn't see the slightest clue either.

If you're going to throw something at me, let it be your trash, your insults, your garbage, and tomatoes, but please I ask--

throw it at my face.

books books books

Books books books

I love new books. Do you love new books? Phew do I.
Yesterday at Border's I picked up a few artsy DIY technique ones and can't wait to get a crackin'. Here's the picks

Journal Revolution: Rise Up and Create! Art Journals, Personal Manifestos and Other Artistic Insurrections
by Linda Woods

The Guerilla Art Kit: everything you need to put your message out into the world for fun non-profit and world domination
by Keri Smith


Design it Yourself
by Ellen Lupton

I also learned something yesterday that was very interesting to be, but Rosie O'Donnel has co-written and contributed to a few of the art books that I was looking at even the Journal Revolution book you see above. The same women who invited Elmo to be a guest on her show almost weekly. Bizarre...

Speaking of books, two friends of mine are organizing a book club at Lincoln Main. I don't have much information on it now, but I can always connect you to my good friends if you're interested in joining or contributing. Right now they're in the process of applying for a grant from United Way. I might look into doing the same for our organization.


Have a great Day!

Jacquelyn Art Club Prez

How is college?

While waiting on an older woman who was with her daughter and grandchildren, her daughter asked,"How are you liking your first year of college?"
"College? I'm not in college..."
"You're not"
"No- I'm only a junior in highschool. I'm 16. The youngest person in the whole store."
We laughed and she apologized. I told her about being asked on Wednesday if I was married.
While fetching the left shoe for her mother, I was laughing in the stock room. My laughter died and so did my momentary happiness. Why do I seem so old? I hate being mature and aged. I'm youthful and love life?

What's going on?

Something's wrong. This isn't right. I feel it foreshadowing something and it honestly scares me.

Are you Married?

Yesterday I sold a woman a pair of shoes. I asked if she'd like the receipt in the box or with her. She said in the box- then changed her mind.
"My husband is out of town and so I'm shopping today. I wouldn't want him to find the receipt in the box so I'll keep it with me."
I laughed.
"Do you have a husband?" she asked.
"No ma'm. I'm only 16,"I said.
"Good years. Enjoy them while they last,"she said. "Have you ever been asked if you were married?"
"No. Not at all. I mean, I've been asked if I had a boyfriend but..." We were laughing and smiling and told each other to have good days. But it made me wonder...

Do I really look that old? To be asked if I'm married? I've been asked where I go to work or college, but... I don't know. It seems a little odd for me. It doesn't scare me- not at all. It just intrigues me more like.

"Open Eyes" - Oingo Boingo

Today before work, I went into juniors and bought the green formal dress I wanted. Thankfully it was still there. I was totally excited. Work was pretty relaxed. Well, I did not get to take a break, so afterwards, my neck was starting to hurt. My feet on the other hand are starting to feel better. I'm getting used to be standing for long periods of time. My check is for 300 dollars. I'm really excited!!! :D
After work I bought a couple of dresses in juniors, but made the unwise decision of trying them on. They both fit my size- but not my shape. I have curves and the dresses are straight and shapeless. where I do have curves, it makes awkward bumps. I regret buying them... Hopefully I'll be able to find a friend who can take them.
I went to the Vanity and the blue and black polkadot shirt I wanted is gone. I took a breath- and lived. I went to Target then.
I didn't find any clothes there that I liked. The super Target next to where Mike lives has so much more for clothes. I'll have to ask him if he could take me sometime. Anyways, I went to the toy section, bought a bubble gun, unicorn back pack, and another gift for Michael's birthday. I'm having so much fun shopping for him, that I wish there was more things I could celebrate. lol. I KNOW he'll absolutely love it. Atleast- he better! *glare* he heh... anyways...
oh! I also got more small plastic animals in the dollar section. That was nice. I enjoyed that.

how do you think you look?

The question was raised by a friend,"How do you think you look?" I think it's a good question that one should periodically ask themselves. I suggest that you do as well my fair reader. There are other questions people should ask themselves. The kind of things that people should answer, that aren't going to be on surveys.
1. What are my religious beliefs?
2. What are my morals?
3. In the past few months, have I changed? If so, for better?
4. What can I do to make things better?
5. Am I happy?

But I'm not quite here to answer those other questions at the moment.
First to assess whether or not I like myself, I should give myself an accurate discription of how I look.

I'm 5ft 8. Reasonable height for my age and genes.
I'm about 125 pounds. Exactly where my body mass index places me. Not a pound more or less.
I have blonde hair, pale skin, and blue green eyes. I may not have boobs like barbie, but in other senses, I look like one perhaps. My skin doesn't break out terribly. I only get a zit once in a while around 'once a month' so, I do pretty good. Now, I'm keeping my dandruff under control with my new shampoo. I'm happy with how my hair is working out for me.
My teeth. I have a retainer and keep my teeth reasonably clean, though I should go to the dentist and get the weird vain on my lower tooth figured out. No one really sees those teeth anyways. Maybe I should floss...
Based on what society tells me to think, I'm pretty good looking- or close to perfect. I know that I'm not.

As a kid in elementary school and middle school, I was picked on. I was pretty confident in myself but I got picked on a lot by a few select popular individuals who aimed to make my life hell. I didn't understand why boys liked them more than me. I thought it was because how I looked. When home alone, I would go into my mom's bathroom and look in the mirror for a while and ask myself, why not me? Long hair. Tall skinny. blue eyes. I came to the same conclusion that it wasn't my appearance.
It wasn't until I changed my appearance into short blue hair, put on a little weight, and dressed the way I wanted to, that under those conditions where appearance didn't matter, I changed my personality. I aimed to be a better person, and do the right thing, be friendly, good and such. I know I probably wasn't like that all the time, but now- I like to think I am.

At this moment. This present time. As I sit and type- I like myself.
I like my blonde hair and height and weight and even- yes- my smile. I like my laugh. I know that when I laugh- it makes other people happy too. I like my clothes that don't fit just right because of my size, and I like who I am. The real me. My personality.

Maybe if you don't like your looks, you shouldn't change them. You should change your point of view on how you look. Your hair color size and shape might not change- but you can. the real you. Your personality and mind.

A diary from work

It's 7:27 and it's KILLING me. ABSOLUTELY BORING. I'll be here til 9:15 tonight. I'll be closing. ALONE. I think I'll do okay. On break I sneaked over to the juniors and tried on a couple prom dresses. A beautiful poofy blue strapless dress is on sale (yellow dot) for 44.00. A gorgeous slim and long silk teal dress with gold beading is 22.00. I met the girl in juniors. she goes to roosevelt and started around the same time I did here at work. My dad and I went to Best Buy today. My computer is $499 until Saturday when the sale ends. I'll get it Friday and buy the anti-virus and accessories later. I NEED that computer none other. It's PERFECT. Oh yeah. I found gold shoes to match the dress. They're 22.00. Maybe I'll get the dress soon too. Next week? I hope I stop my period by Thursday for Mara's pool party...

This again

I wasn't scheduled for Today, tomorrow, or Saturday, but since Dave is gone, I'm covering his hours. Thursdays are Truck days where we get new stock so Dave's schedule was that he was supposed to get in at 7:30. I was a rebel and clocked in at 7:33. yep.
Not long after putting my things in my locker did things starting feeling weird. I went into the ladies bathroom and discovered my period. Rawrg... The machine in the bathroom doesn't work, so I found a nice woman (debbie?)to help me find some. Hugo the janitor couldn't open the machine, so he just grabbed a pad for me. While he cleaned the bathroom, I went to the salon bathroom. The pad is like an inch thick and in a weird cardboard box from like the early 80's.
Not long after opening the new shipment of shoes do I start to get nauseous. I avoided work for a while and fetched a water and some gummy snacks but felt like passing out. I told Jill about not feeling good and she asked for me to stick around for another hour until Mary could cover for me. I avoided customers by sitting in the stock room next to a garbage can and occasionally punching and kicking shoe boxes to make it sound like I was busy. I do that a lot.
It was FREEZING.
I went out for a bit and tried pulling out like, five pairs of shoes for this one woman. I'd go into the back room and try to "find" her size, even though I knew we didn't have it, because I felt sick like a dog. When I was done ringing out her purchase I fled to the back room and laid on the cold floor next to the water jug thingy. I went out and found Mary ringing up a purchase. My face was pale and I trembled.
"You don't look so good,"said the customer.
"Thank God you're here Mary,"I told her.
"Just don't give it to me..."she said as I clocked out. I went to the back room and sat on the floor and called Dad to pick me up. Luckily he answered and was on his way in five minutes.
I love my dad. He can be a hero at times.
I changed into my floral pajamas, popped some pills, plugged in the heating pad and slept for a few hours.
Dad woke me up and asked if I wanted any bratwurst. With mustard. Authentic fancy German mustard.

My dad is a hero.

Psoriasis

Okay, so for years I've been sorta been bugged by friends for having sick dandruff. I was often accused of the kid who never washed their hair or didn't try to. Many references were made to some chick in the Breakfast Club.
Yesterday my dad went to the doctor to ask about it for me and what I should do. I apparently have this wicked cool non-contagious hereditary skin immunity disease where my skin can't stop growing which causes it to build up.

I got shampoo, and it's helping. :) I'm super dooper happy.

oh yeah- by the way, I advise not to do google image searches of it. just take my word for it.

I don’t work at J.C.Penny’s

Last night I came home early from Mike's and thank god.
I got home around 10:30 and there's a note at the foot of my door.
"Go in at 8:00. Jc Penny's. Tilly"
I go to Thomas's room.
"Did you write this?"
"Yeah! get the fuck away!!"he yells. He's playing everquest and keeps yelling at me.
"I don't work at Jc.Penny's. Did they call, or did you just not know?"
"Get the fuck out!!!"
"Who is tilly anyways? I don't know anyone by that name."
"I'm going to fucking hit you!"

Alright. So, I got up at 6:00 today. I'm just worried that my brother wrote down everything he was told, and that some prankster is trying to get me to go into work early. That'd fucking suck.... and piss me off.
I also was supposed to be free Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Now, my manager David can not come back from Texas until Sunday, so I have to fill in for him. Fuuuuck.....

Tonight- I also have a drumline practice from 6:00 to 8:00 at Lincoln south. I might walk. I might not. Whateva.

simple smile

While walking home from work last week, there were some kids on the corner. They all went silent and stared at me-- until I walked by. After I had passed them, they were all talking loudly to each other about my goat purse. I turned around and said,"I'm not deaf. I'm right here." They looked awe struck. I kept walking.
"It looks like an old granny!" some one said. I turned around, gave them a "wtf" look, and kept walking. They did this another time too.
Today, while walking, I saw three kids talking at the corner. The girls, and a boy on a bike. I smiled and said 'hi' to them. I kept walking and from a house I heard a girl run out to the top of her driveway and yell at me.
"You're disgusting and we think your teddy bear purse is ugly!" she yelled. So much pure hate and spite coming from this girl's voice. She was probably only 10 years old. I turned around and gave a "wtf" look.
A different girl came out and yelled,"You're ugly!" I looked her straight in the eye as she said it. I was just so confused. Where had this hate came from?
"Do you want to talk to me?" I asked. She and her friends ran inside giggling and screaming. I looked over at the three younger kids on their bikes. Maybe they were 6 or 7. They watched silently. I walked up to the house. More screaming and laughing came from inside. Loud,"Oh my god!"s echoed from within. I rang the door bell.
"nooo ones hoooome" someone called. I waited patiently and held my hands. I knocked on the door. No answer. I waited a bit longer.
"She's so nice..."said a young girl at the corner.
"Yeah..."said the boy.
"Why are they so mean to her, Maddie?"asked another girl. I turned and as I walked down the driveway, I smiled brightly at them and walked up the street. I'll leave a letter or talk to their parents some other time.
I smiled all the way home.

And on the Fourth Day....

Yesterday at work was fun.
It was a two day coupon sale majig. It didn't go too bad or busy. I'll see the figures this morning and see how well our department went.
It was my fourth day. My number works in the system so I can get my commission and I got a permanent name tag.
Cons: I shorted a man a twenty dollar bill. Whoops... He'll come in today to get it back. My bad. He wasn't angry or anything though, which was good. It was weird because David watched me count and everything, but Dave looked through our receipts later and worked it out. I had given the guy the wrong change.

A woman was looking for a pair of black dress shoes. It was hard finding anything in her size that wasn't 60 dollars. She said she was only going to wear them once. She had a weird uptight sorta English or Austrian accent. I found it amusing... I decided not to ask about her tone of voice. I asked what the occasion was. She said that tonight she was going to the Des Moines Opera. I then noticed the opera ball cap she was wearing. She must be a member. I asked her which one and she said Les Miserabe. She asked if I had heard of it. I told her that we were going to almost do it for our marching band show. She told me that since I hadn't ever seen an opera before, I should. I found some plain black flats for 14 dollars. I also found a pleasant customer.

oh! And while talking to a customer who was checking out, I asked if she would believe it was my fourth day. She leaned over to look at my name tag. "You're not doing too bad Jackie. Oh! you spell your name the same way I do."
"How do you spell your Jacquelyn?" I asked suspiciously.
"With and -lyn", she replied.
"J-a-c-q-u-e-l-y-n?" I asked. She pointed to the credit card in my hand. It was the same. "WOW! That's how I spell mine too!"
"I know! Some people like to spell it -line."
"Yeah! but that's Jacque-LINE. That doesn't make any sense at all!" I said. We laughed and when I brought her shoes around the counter for her, I shook her hand and said,"I thought I was the last of my kind!"
That was fun... :)

While straightening shoes, a woman came up to me and asked,"Is there a second floor?"
I said 'no'.
"Is there a first floor?" she asked. What? no! this is a spare 13th.
"You're new aren't you?"I asked.
"So this is it?" she asked.
"yeah. It is."

Dead

My computer. It's not working. Though living in a dog igloo is nice and I'd like a new silver slinky, I'm going to decide in saving up my money to get a new computer. There's a place on the east side of des Moines where prison inmates build new computers and sell them really cheap. no kidding. So, I think that's my best bet until I can get a brand new one. I'd personally like a laptop, but thomas says I'd do better with a desktop. I really like the idea of me being able to take a laptop places to use it on wifi. Looking at my work schedule- I don't know when I'll be able to get much of any time to go anywhere.
I worked with Kaitlyn today, Mike's ex-girlfriend, and it worked out really well.
"I fell like I should be telling you a lot of stuff..."she said. I froze in horror. She knows I'm dating him? AHH! but then she asked,"What has David been telling you to do around here?" PHEW! Good stuff...
Mike sent me home with some bread to take and eat at work. He's such a sweetie... :) I had cajun foccasia today, and it was amazing. Jill and another woman asked me what it was. I told them that I had made it with my boyfriend. Jill asked how old he was and a bit about his baking skills. I didn't want to say too much for fear that these two gossiping ladies would spread word until it got to Kaitlyn. It was great working with Kaitlyn today. She totally helped me a lot. :)
When I was finding shoes for an older woman to wear, I was by myself, and had no other customers. I was in my element. I did amazing. I found the shoes in the back room like it was nothing. She said she would be back tomorrow to use the Friday only coupon. She complimented me on how well I did and how I was calm and didn't pressure her. I told someone today,"I'd rather find the shoe that fits best for you."
My mom had shoes that she never wore or found uncomfortable over a period of time. I didn't want these people to have shoes that they'll never use. When they use the shoes that work great, I think they'll be more likely to buy more.
The older woman asked for my name and said she'd look for me specifically tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Friday. Two day sale event. It looks quite forbodeing. Luckily- I don't have to go in until 9. Not 8 or 7:45. Success. :)

Oh so stylin'

SO- I get comments on my dress style and such and have inspired millions(maybe not quite so much but yeah...). I have found this fun website I've been addicted to for awhile. I have rated clothes items and added a whole bunch of little things to my "style feed". If you check it out it'll make more since.
See all the stuff i rate as awesome, and what things I really love. You find out about brands, styles, and almost everything on there has a link to where you can buy it.



Why not check it out?

Tuxedo shirt

Today I got up this morning after being awaken by someone calling for my dad. I answered the phone and gave it to him. I was supposed to call Mike when I woke up, so I went back into his room to retrieve my phone. Dad then stopped to ask about how my computer training had gone at work. I gave him a copy of my dress code and how hard it was to find anything in my closet to wear.
After calling Mike and getting dressed, I went to the mall with my dad. We bought some clothes at Target and Fashion Bug. I ran into Katie Conway at Target and she was a sweetie cucumber and helped me out lots. :D
I went to Cici's Pizza with my dad for lunch, then to GoodWill to buy some skirts for work. Also while there, Dad found the most sweetest awesomest Jacket. I am so happy. :D


Today I didn't do that much besides that. Was on the computer a lot. Watched some tv. You know. Stuff.
Around 9:00 is when Mike gets off work and i talk to him. Michael was saying how he'd like me there while he was baking at the moment and how things are much more fun while I'm there. Then he said something incredibly sweet...:

and i can wink at you in real life instead of that popeye simpson looking motherfucker
lol, i like to too, almost as much my love to kiss you
and the best part is, i'm not kidding
it's all true baby!
lol, the things you do to me......
and apparantly the things i do to you
what do you think you do to me dear?
how else would i have inspiration to say such words?
how else could one know love unless the gaze upon their loves face as i have?
my heart heightens to new levels of excitement, my pulse quickens by your touch, my lips tingles looking to be pressed against yours
my hair stands up as you appoarch, my breath gets heavier when i think about you "jackie, jackie"
these things and a thousand more, but how can one describe the affects of love on a simple messager. science still can't make sense of it

He heh... doody...

When I was walking down the street to work, I saw a dog wandering around. It was a brown and white beagle. It looked shaky and really slow. It was in front of a house for sale. He had a green lawn tether around his neck that must have gotten ripped off seeing it not tied down to anything. This poky dog walked up the steps of the house, and took a crap on the porch.

I laughed SOOO hard. :D

Shoes?!

I went in today at Younkers for job training orientation thing. I didn't have to watch and company videos. It was just me and sweet sweet Dianne talking over the handbook thingy since I've never had a job before. I got a tour and found out that I was going to be working in shoes. I'll get commission which is okay I guess. I learned about a credit card boot camp if I don't meet my goal of signing someone up for a card in a week, and if I do sell a card, I get to go to a "breakfast of champions". Fun stuff.
I signed up to volunteer at the art fair on next Sunday too.
When I got home I ate a sammich and turned on my computer to talk to Mike. He wasn't on so I went to go watch "a haunting" on Discovery. Man- I love that show... Anywho-
So when Michael got online I told him I'd be working in shoes.
"p.s. say hi to my ex for me sometime. (she also works at younkers in the shoes department)" Mike typed.
I look down at my work schedule for next week. Fuuuuuck. I work with her on Wednesday and Thursday. :) Fun stuff. Maybe we'll be friends. lol.
Exciting.

Jordan Creek Mall. Bleh.

AHHHH! i hate jordan fucking creek mall...
I just feel uncomfortable going there. Everyone who works at the stores just avoid me, everything is so corporate it makes me want to puke, the people are dressed to kill, kIOskS are EVERYWHERE and so are purses! God do I hate purses! AHHH!
I didn't even go to good will either. my dad went to the fossil store with me, and he got into a temper tantrum. He walks over to the men's wallets and is all like showing me the features of this damn thing. I think it's cool, but I try to stick it into my pants and I say that it doesn't fit. "But yeah! You need one!" "I'm not debating whether or not I need a wallet, I'm saying it doesn't fucking fit into my pants!" he kept on going on. I walked over to the girly wallets and put on in my pocket saying,"That's all I was saying" "But it's not as functional as the other one. the other one had a currency seperator for foreign money and u.s."
and so I say,"How fucking functional is a damn wallet that won't fit in your damn pants!"

I got a job!

AHHHH!!!! :D I got a job at Younkers! SUCCESS!!!
I Start job training on Tuesday at 10:30!!!!!
I get paid for training AND for filling out the damn paperwork I did today.

WOOOO HOOOO!!!! *pelvic thrust* ugh!

7 under par

June 13th. A great and lucky day. Gas is thirteen cents off, chocolate milk is cheaper than white, I had a fortune cookie, and a Jones. The fortune cookie said,"Your personality is fuled by the fascination you feel for life". I think that describes me pretty well. The Jones cap told me"Your job needs more concentration. Success will be achieved". Job? I don't have a job quite yet.. but- tomorrow... success? Sweet! Who cares?! Success is all I need to hear.
After having a ham and turkey sandwich with my dad, we went to the mini golf around the corner on the block. Shyea! I made seven under par, and my dad got four over. I got a hole in one on the 8th hole. :) BAM!
It's my uncle Kevin's birthday, I am now 16 years old and a month, and Mike and I have been dating for two months. Yeah- I know. Seems longer doesn't it?
And it isn't even 2:00 yet. This day is looking good.

swinging in the park

Today- I did more painting. Yep. I watched the news, and painted.
I baked these cream cheese and bread roll up thingies. They're pretty cool. I found them in a kids snack book called "snails". cute.
Tyler called me while I was painting. The first thing I asked was,"How the hell did you get my number?!" I head laughter in the background.
"I'm calling on Addison's cellphone,"he said. Oh. They invited me to hang out with them in the park by the blank park zoo. I got dressed and filled my water bottle with kool-aid and biked down there. It was a great day out. Around 4:00, sky turning brighter, a rich blue sky. We were on the swing sets for a bit, then sat on the jungle gym for a while talking about our summers. Addison was applying everywhere for a job and had no luck what-so-ever. Addison got a call from his mom to head home, and I took my leave. I biked home. It's a pretty nice ride to and from the park. Everything is level and just an easy going ride. I liked it a lot. :)

Flooding

Yesterday, was a full day. I enjoyed it VERY much. :)
I went biking real quick, did a spray paint touch up on the house, took a shower, my dad gave me 20 dollars for the chore, and then Mike picked me up. I took my new cash and went and HAD to spend it at Target. I got three pairs of Jelly Shoes, a swim suit top (converse brand green bakini for five dollARs!!), sunglasses, and a tube of plastic farm animals. I collect small plastic animals.... Yeah. I do. What about it?
I had brought my canvas to Mike's house along with my traveling paint suitcase. It was pretty nifty. We were in the basement. Me painting- him trying to read or type and me continuously distracting him. Great 'eh? Yeah... Not for him I bet. Mike's brother, his girlfriend, and Mike's parents were all upstairs talking. I felt a little left out and I was already listening to them, so I took my stuff upstairs with Mike and joined the party while continuing to paint.
Mike, his mom, and I were watching the news after Hannah and Dustin left. Saylorville lake was being emptied a bit and downtown Des Moines bridges were supposed to be closed because of flooding. Great opportunity. I called my dad on Mike's cellphone, and asked if I could spend the night. I just wanted an excuse. He thought I was in trouble and that I didn't want to stay.
"Do you have anything over there?"Dad asked. What a stupid question.
"No DAD! It's not like I packed my bag because I was planning on spending the night and getting stuck. It's okay Dad- really."
I was sleepy pretty quickly. Mike and I fell asleep on the couch together. MAN was that uncomfortable, but oh- so sweet. First time I've spent the night at a boy's house. With him. like- sleeping. It's alright I suppose. I mean, his parents were in the next room, we were on the couch, and we weren't sharing a blanket or anything. I woke up pretty regularly a few times in the night. maybe every hour and a half. Every time I was awake, so was Mike, so I have reason to believe that he woke me up. In the night, I'd look up at him and kiss his forehead, or nuzzle against him. It was pretty sweet. ooooh yeah. :)
He was happy because usually when we hang out, I fall asleep, and then we have to wake up at the awkward hour of one at night and he has to take me home totally out of it and tired. It's probably safer. I hope I'll be able to do that more often. sure as hell is convenient.

Jeanette Kay

Today, 46 years ago, my mother was born at St. Joseph's hospital in Mason City. Seven pounds and Four oz. Jeanette Kay.
My mom was 30 years when I was born. Well, 29, but see, when I was one, she was 31. It was always easy to know how old my mom was. My dad- I have no idea how old he is. It's harder to tell. I think I was 8 when he turned fourty. I can't do math very well, so I'm not going to attempt to at the moment.
My mom was 42 when she died in 2005 of Thymomma Cancer. I would have been 12.
I miss her dearly, and even now, she is very close to me, I think- more than anyone else. I still frequently learn something new about her everyday, or hear a new song I think she'd like. Or I'll hear a song from one of my Oingo Boingo cds, and somewhere in the back of mind, I remember these lyrics. It's like she listened to them at one time.

She liked the City of Angel's soundtrack, and the Batman Forever soundtrack too. She loved musicals. In the basement I found a record of "The Wiz". She used to tell me about the Phantom of the Opera and how beautiful it was.
She liked lilacs, lillies, and irises. In our backyard she'd garden all the time.
Other times I remember her watching VH1 while vacuuming and cleaning. I was sitting on the couch once and watched a documentary about Meatloaf.
My mom didn't like me watching the movie "Alice in Wonderland" because Lewis Carrol "liked little children too much".
My mom loved art. She wanted to be an artist. One time she was looking through a box of her college stuff and came across her sketchbook she had at the time. There was a picture in there that was her favorite. It was of a foot. "Go on! Guess who's foot that is! Don't you know?"she asked excitedly. I didn't know. I shrugged. "It's MINE!"she said and hopped up on on foot and held her foot next to the sketch. "Mine!!" she said again.
We had gone to the Chicago Museum of Art when I was 6- our only family vacation. My mom was missing a week of jury duty. She had been searching through tons and tons of prints in the gift shop. I remember her looking through every one. She had bought a copy of a Monet painting with a bunch of people sitting beside a lake under the shade of trees. It currently hangs above my bed. I also remember her saying how much her favorite painting was Dali's "Persistence of Memory".
My mom liked quiz and game shows. While doing chores she's watch this music game show on VH1. She was awful at it from what I saw, but whenever she got something right, she was so happy. We had a computer came called,"You don't know Jack". At night we'd sit together and watch Wheel of Fortune while eating frozen pizza. I'd say about three times a week we'd have frozen pizza. The three of us couldn't get enough of it.
My mom, my brother, and I. The three of us. They were my family for the longest time.

I used to not want to be a mother. Giving birth had always scared the bejesus out of me. I have never been around a baby for more than five minutes. I've never baby sat. I have no clue about kids. Recently though, I think about my mom and how much she meant to me. Now, I'm very certain that some day, I want to be a mother. Some day.
I miss my mother very much.

Art endeavors

I got a canvas at Wal-Mart for only 6 dollars! :D Sweet 'eh? I was supposed to hang out with Mike but he decided he wanted to just sit around and do nothing without me there. That's cool. He needs some time by himself when he's not working.
I cut out my art punk logo finally! I've had the stencil sheet for a while, and just recently traced the image on the sheet. The one thing I didn't have until yesterday was an exacto knife. For my art projects I had been using a razor blade. It's not sharp and hurts like a bitch to press down on, which isn't very safe. Cutting out the stencil was intense! It was fun though. After I finished, I sprayed it on a cardboard box and tested it out. It looks great. It'll be easier doing art punk t-shirts next year this way, and we'll be able to use the shirts to customize it even further with names on the back and any embellishment anyone else wants to do. That'll be a fun project we can all do together.
I was thinking about the art club and how I really want to make it mine next year. I don't know anything about the art teacher next year. I don't want them to feel like the automatically have to do it and get involved. It'll need a lot of dedication and organization from me- which is exactly the kind of qualities I want to develop. I think that the money I get from my job I'll split three ways. Or four. Yeah...
1. art club
This will not only be for the club but my own art endeavors and projects. Sewing and
photography is included. Paint/canvas/stencil supplies/fabric. You know.
2. music
New cds, instruments, and lessons. Oh! and music. Anything I might want for pit next year.
3. future savings
*sigh* I might need a car SOME day. And move out. And go to school. yeah. Stuff like that.
4. Other stuff/misc.
going to java joe's for a drink after school, clothes, music shows, anything else like that. rubber chickens. hats. You know.

Yep. ANY WHO-

I prepped my canvas with some spray paint. i went to Wal-mart with my brother Thomas and got some blue and pink paint- two colors I sorta kind of need and never got around to purchasing. I just don't have yellow and orange now. great! :D I found a random wooden board in the basement that was here when we moved in. I painted on it and it looks pretty bad ass.

yep yep.

Thank you Magic Toenail

I love this. The Brak Show. :)

INTERVIEW!!!

I GOT AN INTERVIEW AT YOUNKERS NEXT SATURDAY AT THREEEEEEEEE!!!!!

*PELVIC THRUST* UGH!

Painting

I don't think it was a fight. Not from my point of view anyways.It was just an irritated discussion that neither of us really cared who 'won'. On the internet is so hard to determine someone's tone of voice. Well- I don't think he was upset- but I was.
I was just talking to Michael and BAM! out of no where, he tells me I should paint. I mean, you can't be serious. I don't understand.
Well, he says that I've been bored and that I should paint something. But.... uhh... okay?
I told him I only had mini canvases and I couldn't paint until I had something bigger.
"Go out and buy a bigger canvas then".
"Honey, they're expensive! and then you have to tie in the cost of more paint"
"How much is an average size canvas? 10 dollars?" he asks.
"Around 20 to 50." there's no real "average" size for canvas looking at the gigantic ones in museums like Monet's pointalist ones.
"If you painted you'd get better. It's more for the sake of painting then producing one,"Mike said.
I was getting a little upset. I don't care about getting better. He was starting to irritate me.
"You know what, you're absolutely right,"I wrote."Its 12:00, and I think I'm going to paint. yeah."
"You're silly..."Mike wrote.
"Silly?" I asked. "I am quite serious. I'm going to paint- right now."
He thought I was upset and being sarcastic. Really- I was upset and serious. I left the computer to get my paint bag with my brushes and such.
"You seem to know a lot about what you're talking about huh?" I asked.
"I know how artists work,"Mike told me.

He knows how artists work. Huh. Because I guess that me- an artist, wouldn't have any idea of how to work. I get it. Mike knows everything.

He went to sleep shortly after our discussion after a simple,"nm". Yeah. We exchanged our "Love you"s and I told him goodnight. I felt a little bad for getting upset, but I didn't think it was his place to suggest that I paint. I had been photo editing and blogging all day on here.

Two hours later- I'd have this.

bike ride

Well, since in my just last post I did this morning, I took a bike ride because I was feeling unhealthy. I totally feel like it was worth it. It wasn't as tiring as the last ride I took a month ago. Hopefully I'll be able to make a routine out of this because I LOVE it. :)
I took some pictures, and I want a girly friend of mine to come with sometime so I can take portraits or something. It's not always so visually appealing to have tons of pictures of trees. I'd like to make up one of my friends and treat them like a model. It'd be fun. I found some really cool spots for that and took pics.
I saw a deer not long after getting on the trail. I tried to take a picture but all you see is it's brownness behind the trees. My bike makes a clicking of the chains when I walk it slowly. I rode through a bit of mud and it got all on my legs. I got through a really thin trail with tons of overhanging flora and I think I might get poison ivy. Is there something I can do to like... prevent it? I mean, other than wearing long pants. I hope a shower gets it off of me. I think that might do something. Who knows. I don't think I saw any poison ivy, but I'm starting to feel an itch. eww...
I feel icky. I'm going to shower now. laterz.

I feel it already

Summer. It's feeling like summer. Some parts I like- others are starting to scare me.
My brother, Dad, and I are doing pretty well right now and getting along. Dad has been going to work early so, I don't see him that much. Damn! I just remembered that my dad has the American Legion lunch thingy to prepare today. Justin's party is at 12:00.... Meh. He'll get me there eventually.
Now where was I?
Alright! Yesterday and the day before, I think I ate like, double my weight out of boredom. I also slept like- 12 hours last night. Not good. The reason why I went to sleep so early was that my fingers and eyelids were a little shaky. I think it's my anemia adjusting to how much I ate. Yeah. I need to go biking SOON. I really want to, but yesterday was all windy and I didn't know if there was going to be another tornado warning spazticly.
So- too much sleep and too much food. Bad.
Good things?
Well, I can go to concerts during the week(if I have money), I can stay up late the days before Mike doesn't have work the next morning. Even if he does, I can hang out with him 'til 12:00. That's cool. OH! and like- one of my favorite show, "A Haunting" comes on the discovery channel usually when I'm coming home from school, so I always miss it. I can also watch Ellen, but that's all reruns from what I see. damn. Another thing! I can go to matine(however you spell it) shows at the movies. I can also go to the mall and grocery store when there is NO ONE there. Oh! I can also actually go to thrift stores on the week days and Hobby Lobby! :D that'd be sweet.... And I can go downtown whenever I like.
Whenever I'm bored I just got realize what is really out there for me to do. I don't have to stay home staring at my computer for Mike to talk to me or to get a new message on my space. Maybe this summer will work out alright anywho..

SKatAStic!

AHHHH!!!!

Last night Breann and her friends picked me up to go to the show. We dropped Elizabeth off at work and went to the house of bricks. Nick Allen was always talking about Ska Band Go! to Bre` and saying that she had to see them. I didn't like them at all. For a ska band- they pretty much sucked.
Look out Loretta was next and they were pretty dull as well. I was tired of standing around. We all went to the back and sat down. Breann's knees were bothering her and if she didn't like the next band, she wanted to leave. Vandon Arms convinced her to stay since she's you know- hardcore Irish and such.
When Deal's Gone Bad started playing, she got the feeling to go up and dance. We weaved through the crowd to the front and had a hell of a time skanking and jiving. After a couple songs, someone was leaning their elbow on my shoulder. I looked up-
MIIIIKE!!!! I gave him a big hug and kiss and was sooo happy to see him! He was supposed to be at work. Business was slow he said so they let him off early. He came by to see little ol' me! AHHH!! He's such a sweetheart. I really wanted him to go to it since I first saw him when we both went to the last Deals Gone Bad show. We danced through the rest of the show. When it was over, I got my cds from the Vandon Arms guys and a Deals Gone Bad Cd.
Mike and I drove over towards Java Joe's where I got a lemonade (they were out of Jones!) and he checked the time. We walked through the streets a bit before finding our way to the 7th and Grand parking garage. We leaned against the wall and looked up at the windows of the hotel across the street. Mike gave me a foot massage and we laid down together for a bit. I got creeped out by seeing something move in the door of some sort of a building on the ramp. it creeped my the fuck out and so we left.
We went back to his car and cuddled for only a second. while laying together, the tornado sirens were going off. it was pretty creepy. It was a good time to get me home. I was pretty paranoid and looking out the window. Mike tried to calm me down but I was pretty much flipping out. When we got to my house, I asked if he wanted to come inside- but everything was so still. I kissed Mike goodnight and grabbed my purse leaving my cds in his car. I went to bed after watching a bit of the weather. Mike called me when he got home and woke me up. I was sooo confused when I picked up the phone. I was like,"what the hell- is going on..."
I went back to sleep and was woken up by my dad pounding on my door several times this morning trying to get me to do laundry. I got up eventually.

Bitchin' in the Kitchen

Yesterday, I brought my sack of bubbles and accessories to school along with my Groucho Marx glasses. Before my final, I sat in the hallway next to a girl in my math class that I don't know the name of. A dean of student lady person walked up the stairs and as she passed by- pointed at her head. Oh right- I had my rabbit hat on. But apparently it doesn't matter if I blow bubbles as I had a bubble pipe in my hand ready to blow as she made eye contact with me. Alrighty. Note to self....

I cleaned out my locker pretty much, then took the bus 23 home. I called Mike and asked my dad to take me to the library. I was meeting Mike there and going to drop off my application around the corner at the flower shop, but it was closed "At meeting- be back soon." I waited for about 30 minutes I think with Mike. A field trip of preschoolers from the science center walked by. One named Devin was being yelled at for dropping his water bottle constantly. The class was threatened with them being taken away. Cute. :)
Mike and I went to Wal-Mart by where he lives and picked up some stuff for our pizza. We sided on pepperoni, baby swiss, mozzarella, and meatballs. Mike was strongly opposed to bacon bits. I don't know what the hell his problem is. lol.
At his house, we started putting stuff together. Mike pulled out the baggies of dough he had made the night before. They were mushy and too soft.
"What's in this?" I asked Mike.
"Flour and water. You know- dough."
"Uhh... Mike. That's not how you make dough"
"Sure it is! That's all that's in it. I didn't have a recipe but I worked it out,"Michael said.
"Honey- that's paper mache. That's not how you make dough...."I tried to reason with him.
"You know what- I'll call my mom right now!" he said trying to prove his point. He pulls out his cellphone right there and dials his mother. She informs him that there must be something he's missing and to consult the Betty Crocker Cookbook.
"AHA!" I exclaimed triumphantly.
"Betty Crocker- there is no Betty Crocker Cookbook...." Mike says to his mom.
I reach in the cupboard and pull out the familiar "Better Homes and Gardens" red plaid binder. "It's right here honey." It's not until then that I notice, no where it says Betty's name on it. Why do we all refer to it that way? Mike asks me this question.
I spill out all of the information I know about Mrs. Crocker and how you modernized cooking today. Thank goodness I watch the History Channel...
"She was a test kitchen Nazi from what I understand,"I tell him.
I made the dough over and it was the first time I needed to knead something. It was really fun. :D

Somewhere in our cooking as we let the dough to rest for 10 minutes, we got caught up in the couch and each other. Mike is terribly sweet and cuddly. This was one of these days where he was most like this. He is such a wonderfully adorable and amazing boy. :)
We finished pizza making and Mike's brother Dustin came by. While the pizza was in the oven, Dustin played the piano and sang. It made me laugh a lot. We ate our pizza together on the couch, and it turned out really well. I loved it. :D We still have another batch of dough and sauce. It'll be some fun good times then too.
This weekend Mike and I are going to bake some cream cheese cookies from a recipe we found in the book. It sounds really good. Well, Mike had to take me home early so him and Dustin could play bridge with a group of really old people. It was a great afternoon and I enjoyed it. Fun times.

Rain tossed dream

I had a bizarre dream last night. It rain hard through out the night and pounded against the glass of my window next to my sleeping head.
I had a dream about today- about me going to the House of Bricks show later on. My dad had managed to drop me off, I was running around everywhere trying to find a way of getting to the show. It was gray and cloudy. Flooding. My dad had dropped me off, and I walked into the ambient lit smoky club. I met Clint the guy I had been talking to about advertising for the show. It was then that I realized that I had shown up all by myself, and not a soul I saw I knew. I left after the third band and walked down the streets towards the downtown center through the pouring rain. I was frightened of everything around. I got to my bus stop on time and waited. And waited. I looked up at the thundering clouds ahead through the rain. Lightening flashed and the wind circled around.
And then I woke up.

I got online and started messaging a ton of people. There is no way I'm going to that show alone now.

Movies with Justin

I was talking to Mike on IM and he writes "YOU"RE SEEING INDIANA JONES WITHOUT ME?!" He was a little unnerved that I was going with a guy. I could totally see his position and I'd totally be the same way. Anywho-
We couldn't get a hold of Mara and had to go without her I suppose. At the theater Andy and Michelle met us there. Justin paid for our tickets, popcorn, and drinks. Seven and I shared a drink because I know she probably didn't want to sit next to Andy (even though it was kind of their date) and I didn't want to share a drink with them either.
I counted 22 credits, somewhere during which my retainer fell out of my pocket, and the movie was INTENSE! I usually don't get anything to eat or drink but during this whole thing I guess I couldn't stop. lol. I probably looked intense as well at the edge of my seat saying,"DUDE! I totally bet on this!" and would make silly "WHAT THE FUCK?!" comments with Justin and Michelle who sat next to me. It was a super fun time that I really enjoyed. oh yeah!
In the lobby Seven bought a 25 cent chain and mini cow thing. She gave me the chain that I put the 25 cent ring Mike gave me on. Justin drove me home, I hugged him and said thanks so much.
Next month Justin is traveling in Europe, and after that- I don't know when I'll ever see him. I'm glad that we got to hang out today. I'm sure to remember it. :)

Eyelashes

I kicked ass on my math final today- I think. I mean, I totally sucked at it but then again, I totally kicked its ass!! I won't know how I did until tomorrow when my grade is posted. :D
Today I applied for JC Penney's online and am going with my dad to the library to pick some stuff up. Later tonight, Justin, (hopefully) Mara and I are going to see Indiana Jones at 4:00. I'll be looking forward to that. I've never actually hung out with Justin outside of school band and him taking me home once. It'll be great seeing him again. Maybe I'll hang out with him more often this summer. This summer- I see good things happening.
I'm setting goals and priorities. I'm used to taking the bus now. I have a great boyfriend. I'll hopefully be able to spend time with friends. Who knows?! I might just get a job. Being 16- it's great. I didn't think things would change- but maybe they will.
Tomorrow I have one last final- American History. It doesn't count against me and I pretty much rule in that class so... yeah. No problem.

oh! Yesterday I was taking a shower and lost a few eyelashes. I put them on the shower wall and just froze for a second. I never thought I was that interesting of a character. Peculiar. Stuff that sitcoms and funny teen novels are made out of. but maybe- I am. What a great lyric it would make though.

"I keep eyelashes on my shower wall
for whenever I need a wish
four leaf clovers and stars that fall
don't quite do the trick"

Geek Speak from the Heart

Verse 1
Can I find the words
without saying anything at all
with every look of your eyes
I fall
Fall for you

when you say I'm
your butterscotch button of fun
I think to myself-
this guy's the one


Chorus:
and I'm the
sweetness shotgun blast to the face
makes my little thumping heart race
it's love.
oh love

the sweetest honey, the filler for my heart
and whatever sappy thing you can think of
It's love
oh love


Verse 2
rolling down a hill like a katamari
nothing quite rhymes with that
Except sorry
I don't know what else there is but that

little titterpatting sweetheart with lazer beam eyes
when you say these things
my oh my!
I get lost in your words

Repeat Chorus

Applause for Craig Dewey

Woah!

I forgot to say that last Thursday taking the bus home-

I saw CRAIG DEWEY in a giant pizza costume for DOMINOES!!!! :D :D HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

Craig is a friend of mine who plays bass clarinet in band. I love making fun of this kid. He cracks me up. *Phew!* That was hilarious...